North Pole Confirms Santa Claus Began his Christmas Eve Journey

Santa Claus

NORTH POLE — Officials at the North Pole confirmed Santa Claus began his Christmas Eve journey just after 5:00 am EST (UTC-5)‎. Shortly afterward, verified Santa sightings started pouring in from Antarctica, New Zealand, West Somoa, and others locations in the NZDT (UTC+13) time zone.

“Many people are under the misconception that Santa Clause delivers presents all night long,” states Treacletart Tinselpudding, the North Pole’s Public Affairs Elf. “The truth is that all home visits are actually on Chrsitmas Eve. Santa works within 11 pm and midnight of each time zone.”

How Does Santa’s Sleigh Work?

By the end of his journey, Santa will log well over 316,000,000 miles, which cause some to speculate the use of faster-than-light travel. However, Santa could not endure the dynamic shock of moving at such speeds. Furthermore, the laws of physics that would prohibit such capabilities. Not only is a tremendous amount of energy needed to achieve such speeds, but the laws of relativity would also cause Santa to gain near-infinite mass.

“Using ancient elf technology, Santa’s sleigh creates a bubble of spacetime capable of moving backward and forward along a loop of time,” reveals Tinselpudding. “When several loops are spliced together, it allows Santa to travel between any point in time and space.  While the science behind this is a bit complicated, the short answer is that Santa Clause can actually be in more than one place at one time.”

How Does Santa Carry All those Presents?

Another one of Santa’s most fantastic feats is carrying all those presents. While Santa’s bag is large, it seems impossible that is could hold all the presents he delivers. The prevailing theory for decades was that the gift sack’s interior is located at the North Pole, ultimately making the bag little more than a doorway that connects to Santa’s workshop using an Einstein-Rosen Bridge, also known as a wormhole. While this is a plausible theory, Santa does not have access to the exotic matter needed to keep such a portal open.

“Santa’s bag is not actually a three-dimensional object,” explains Tinselpudding. “It is crafted with the quality of being dimensionally transcendental, which means the sack is literally bigger on the inside. Its interior resides in a dimension adjacent to but outside of spacetime. In mathematical terms, the area within Santa’s gift sack is purely ‘imaginary’, converging with the ‘real’ world only when needed.”

When Will Santa Arrive at my House?

There is no way to precisely predict when Santa will arrive at your house. However, it is a well-established tradition that he arrives only when children are asleep. However, barring any unforeseen technical issues and weather delays, Santa should arrive between 11:00 pm and midnight on Christmas Eve. If children are still awake when Santa arrives, he moves on to other houses. He will make attempts to return later, but only when the children are asleep.

Santa Clause visits the homes of all children who believe in him regardless of religion, country, ethnicity, or other superficial characteristics. Nevertheless, he does keep two lists, one for nice children and one for naughty children. In centuries past, those on the Naughty List would receive coal, while nice children received a toy. Today, coal has become impractical. So, those on Santa’s Naughty List are more likely to receive socks or a similar gift.

The North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) tracks Santa Claus as he departs the North Pole and delivers gifts to children across the globe. Originally, the public received updates by calling a telephone hotline or through a series of press releases to newspapers and television news. Now, those interested in staying current with Santa’s status can download an iOS or Android application to their smartphone or tablet, or by visiting the official website at noradsanta.org.

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